My Child, Our Child (Silhouette Special Edition) Read online

  Red-faced and shaking in her designer original from head to toe, Joan got in the car.

  Seconds later Jackie watched, dumbfounded and rocked to the core, as they roared down the road and out of sight.

  Sam had told his mother everything.

  And her being so nice at first was all an act to get Brian out of there as quickly as possible.

  But all of that, including the mean things she’d said, was not what had Jackie so tied up in knots. It was seeing how Brian had acted, how he had tried to scream...tried to tell his grandmother he did not want to go with her. That was not the behavior of a retarded child. It was the act of a child silently crying out for the help no one would give him.

  And Jackie was powerless to do anything about it.

  Madeline’s letter was still on the table next to the rocker where she had left it. Sitting down, she picked it up and read it again.

  They wanted her back.

  And maybe that was where she belonged.

  At least she would be far, far away from her dreams and far away from Sam and the joy they had shared for a little while.

  She went inside, took up the phone and dialed Dove Haven’s number from memory.

  Maxine Dwyer answered and squealed to hear it was Jackie. “Oh, it’s been so long. We missed you, girlfriend. What’s up?”

  She told her she wanted to speak to Madeline, and Maxine squealed again.

  “Oh, I’ll bet I know what this is about. She told us she was writing to you to see if you wanted your old job back. This is great, Jackie. Hang on. I’ll put you through. It’s going to be wonderful having you back. I can’t wait to tell the residents. Only a couple have passed away since you were here, and—oh—I’ve got Madeline. ’Bye.”

  Madeline was just as pleased to hear from her as Maxine had been and told her that yes, she could have her old job back, except that she would have to report for work right away. “The dietician didn’t work out her notice, leaving us in a bind. I hate to put pressure on you like this,” Madeline said, “because I know you’ve probably got things to take care of up there before you leave, but the administrators are coming down on me hard over all this, and I’ve got to hire somebody fast.”

  “Don’t worry,” Jackie said without hesitation. “There’s nothing to take care of here.”

  Sadly, it had all been taken care of.

  There were no loose ends. Sam didn’t give a damn and never had. Brian was leaving tomorrow.

  And so was she.

  “I’ll be there,” she said.

  “Well, I know it’s sudden,” Madeline pointed out. “So if you change your mind, let me know so I can hire this other girl.”

  “Will do.”

  Jackie hung up and spun about, wondering what she should do first, then realized there really wasn’t anything to do. Now that all the seedlings were gone, her only responsibility was a geranium in the kitchen window that she had bought for a little color on a blah winter day. She was not about to take any of the furniture, which had already been there except for the mattress. About all she had bought was the faux fur rug, and she sure as heck didn’t intend to take that. Every time she looked at it she thought of lying on it naked with Sam so many steamy nights.

  Looking around, she decided there was absolutely nothing to take but her clothes.

  Then she saw the little rolling pin on the windowsill. Despite having shared absolutely none of Libby’s affinity for the place, she would take it with her as a memento of Libby.

  But there was one thing she would need to do and that was run into town to the bank and close out her account. Even though there wasn’t much money left in it, there wasn’t a branch in Durham so it was best to take it all with her.

  It was late when Jackie got to town. She had packed her clothes and then given the cabin a good cleaning. It was her intention to call Mr. Burkhalter and tell him he could let the animal shelter know they could take it over and do what they wanted with it. Let them fight with Sam and his mother.

  She parked in front of the Book Nook, which was next door to the bank.

  Willa saw her and ran to the door, calling, “Don’t you dare go home without coming in to talk to me, Jackie. I haven’t had a good chat with you in a long time.”

  The last thing she wanted was to get tied up with Willa, but knew she couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

  As soon as she finished at the bank, she went into the book store. And the first thing Willa said was, “Don’t you go thinking harshly of Joan now. She told me about the little upset you two had this morning and regrets it. She’s just so upset over little Brian that she gets carried away sometimes.”

  “It’s all right, really.” Jackie was glad no one else was around to hear such personal talk. “And I’m sure she’s very nice otherwise.”

  “She is. Some of that money she married into might have gone to her head, but that’s the way it affects some people.”

  Willa handed her a mug of coffee. Jackie took it and sank down next to the pot belly stove, which was still fired up. It might be spring by day but nights could be chilly.

  “So how are things out your way?” Willa settled beside her. “Hank told me about the roof caving in on your hothouse and how you lost all your seedlings. That’s a shame, but it was old. You can always rebuild.”

  “No, I’m not going to.” She decided to get it over with, gulp down her coffee and be on her way. “As a matter of fact—”

  Willa cut her off, “You know, I’m real put out with Sam. He’s not treating my niece very nice. She took care of him back when he had the flu. Bonnie was also down with it and couldn’t look after Brian, so Rosemary just moved in over there, and—”

  The bell over the door jingled, and Willa glanced up, then cried, “There he is now.” She stood to wave him over. “Get yourself over here. I want to tell you how rude you’re being to Rosemary after all she did for you when you were sick.”

  Jackie’s heart slammed into her chest. Sam, holding Brian’s hand, walked over but did not sit down. He avoided looking at her as he said to Willa, “I haven’t felt like calling anybody. I’ll get around to it. Now did those books you ordered for Brian come in? He’s leaving with his grandmother tomorrow, and I was hoping he could take them with him.”

  Only then did he glance Jackie’s way, and she wondered whether it was her imagination or if he really looked ashamed.

  “Well, I’ll go see,” Willa said, and got up to do so.

  “I’ve got to be going,” Jackie said to no one in particular as she stood.

  Sam stepped in front of her. “Jackie, wait. I heard about what happened earlier with my mother, and I’m sorry. She’s just so stressed out over Brian.”

  “It’s all right,” Jackie said coolly, cordially. “I understand. I had no business interfering.”

  She bent down to give Brian a big hug, blinking back tears as he hugged her back. “You be a good boy, you hear? And get well soon.”

  Sam patted Brian’s shoulder, making his voice light and upbeat. “He’s going to come home for Christmas next year in time for the parade, and I’ll bet he’ll be singing carols right along with everybody else, won’t you, son?”

  Jackie decided to get it over with. “Well, I won’t be here to see it. I’m leaving.”

  Sam registered astonishment. “What... what are you talking about?”

  She straightened, giving her hair a toss and forcing a smile to tell him, “You were right, Sam. I’m not staying. I don’t like it here. I hate the weather... hate the isolation. I’m going back to Durham, to my old job, where I belong.”

  “But...but the farm,” he sputtered. “What about—”

  “You’re going to have to work that out with the alternate beneficiaries. It’s up to them. I’m out of it.

  “Goodbye, Brian.” She bent to give him a quick kiss and then hurried on her way before she burst into tears.

  “Stay here, Son,” Sam instructed Brian, and followed after her.

&n
bsp; He caught up with her at her truck.

  “Now what’s this all about?” He put his hand on the door so she couldn’t open it. “I thought you swore you’d never leave.”

  She shrugged, “I guess it’s like you said. I’m a city girl.” She flashed a sardonic smile. “I don’t like not being able to have a pizza delivered.”

  She gave the door a yank, and he stepped back but said, “If this is because of the argument we had over those trees, we can work something out, Jackie. As for the ice storm, Hank told me about the roof caving in on your hothouse, and I was really sorry to hear it. I know you worked hard. I wish I could have helped, but I was sick and, oh, hell—” he gave a ragged sigh “—if you like the place, you should stay. After all, it’s yours.”

  “Is it?” she cried. “I don’t think so, Sam. That land will always belong to the Coltons, regardless of whose name is on the deed, and you and I both know it.

  “But I don’t care,” she said, on a roll and unable to stop, “because I’m sick of frozen water heaters, roofs caving in, lights going off and having to carry wood in every day. I’m sick of broken fingernails, doing without because I forgot something at the grocery store and it’s too damn far to go back and get it. So you can have your mountains, Sam,” she finished, sliding into the truck and turning the key in the ignition to start it up, “because this flatlander is going home!”

  She couldn’t get away fast enough, hating herself for her lies. Nothing she said was true. She didn’t mind any of the inconveniences she had endured, because she loved everything about the mountains... about her home.

  Only it would not be her home much longer.

  One more night, and it would all be over.

  Sam watched till the taillights on the old truck disappeared. He felt no satisfaction in the realization he’d been right about believing Jackie would ultimately leave. Because somewhere along the way he had freed himself of the ghosts of the past and fallen in love with her.

  Only now she was leaving, and there was nothing he could do to stop her.

  And he supposed it was best he had taken sick and not gotten around to seeing her to tell her how he felt. She might have stayed on Brian’s account, and that would never have worked.

  No, it had to end, and now he was faced with trying to get over his broken heart.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jackie put her suitcases on the back of the truck and tied them down so they wouldn’t bounce off. Then she took one last walk through the cabin to make sure everything was secure and that she hadn’t forgotten anything.

  She also took a stroll around the yard, trying not to cry, because crying gave her a headache, and she needed all her wits about her for the drive to Durham.

  So she wept on the inside, instead, because it was breaking her heart to leave.

  Yet to stay would only bring deeper anguish. Being around the man she adored, unable to help the child she couldn’t love more if he were her own, was more than she could bear. Kevin and all the woes he had inflicted was a piece of cake compared to this.

  But then she had never loved Kevin the way she loved Sam.

  And had not known what it was like to love a child.

  The morning was glorious, the sun just beginning to peek over the eastern ridges, a lavender mist whispering through the grass.

  The trees smelled extra sweet and fresh in the crisp air, and she drank deeply. She knew, beyond a doubt, that for the rest of her life every time she caught the scent of a Christmas tree, she would be reminded of this place that had been her home...her paradise...if only for a little while.

  She knew she had to get on the road. She wanted to be in Durham by lunch, because there was much to do. And first on the agenda was finding an apartment, this afternoon, if possible, so she would be ready to go to work tomorrow.

  With one last look around she opened the door to the truck, put one foot on the running board... then paused.

  She had heard something, coming from the direction of the path between the rows of blue spruce.

  She shook her head and climbed into the truck. Was it just the wind or her imagination, because who would be calling her name at this hour? And why?

  But then she heard it again and turned to stare in heart-jamming wonder when she saw it was Brian. And he was running as fast as his little legs could carry him, racing straight toward her.

  “Don’t go,” he cried, tears streaming down his face, his arms outstretched. “Don’t go...Mommy.”

  Jackie gasped and leaped from the truck to drop to her knees and gather him in his arms.

  He burrowed his face in her neck, and she held him close for long precious moments, wondering if he had really spoken or if she had dreamed it amidst the shock of seeing him.

  “I don’t want...” he whispered brokenly, anguish mirrored on his cherubic face as he drew back to look at her, “I don’t want to lose another mommy.”

  “Oh, my God.” Jackie was all but crushing him she was squeezing him so hard. “Oh, my God, I don’t believe it.”

  She managed to carry him up the steps to the front porch and sat down in a rocker. Over and over she crooned to him, telling him not to cry.

  “I...I can’t help it.” He rubbed at his eyes with his little fists. “I...I stayed awake all night thinking about you leaving. And you can’t, Mommy. You just can’t.”

  He burst into fresh tears and threw himself against her.

  Jackie was reeling. He could talk...and he had called her mommy... had begged her not to go...said he didn’t want to lose another mommy. Oh, dear Lord, what was she to do? She could not abandon him now, and she had to stop Sam’s grandmother from taking him away, because there was no need, and—

  She heard the roar and looked up to see Sam’s truck coming up the road, dust flying beneath the speeding wheels.

  He braked to a stop and jumped out and ran to the porch, taking the steps two at a time. “I’m sorry, Jackie, but Brian climbed out his window, because he was locked in his room. It’s a wonder he didn’t break his neck going down the trellis. He knew my mother was getting ready to leave and was taking him with her, and he doesn’t want to go, but—”

  “He doesn’t want me to go, either,” she said quietly, looking him straight in the eye. “He said so.”

  Sam backed up a few steps. “He did what?”

  “He spoke,” Jackie said, continuing to hold Brian tightly. “He asked me not to leave.”

  Sam moved on shaking legs to sink down in the chair next to her. “I don’t understand.”

  “I do,” she said, smiling through her tears as she reached to squeeze Sam’s hand, because he looked so pale and shaken. “He heard me tell you yesterday that I was leaving this morning. He thought about it all night and knew he didn’t want it to happen. Something inside him was triggered to make him speak, or maybe he’s been talking to himself all this time and nobody heard him. I’m afraid I’m clueless, because I’m not a psychiatrist—like your mother pointed out to me—but I think I know what’s happened here. And I think Dr. Valcross will confirm it. Come inside. We’re going to call him. I haven’t had the phone disconnected, thank goodness.”

  Sam followed her but made no move to take Brian from her arms. It would have taken some doing, anyway, because he was hanging on for dear life and would have had to be pried loose.

  It was early, and Dr. Valcross was not in his office. Jackie left word with his answering service, saying it was kind of an emergency, then coaxed Brian to let her go so she could find the makings for coffee. She and Sam needed something, maybe even a shot of brandy if she could remember where she packed the bottle.

  Sam remained in a daze, walking about in circles and pausing now and then to stare at Brian and shake his head again. Finally, worriedly, he pointed out, “He isn’t talking now. Are you sure he’s okay? I mean, this is crazy.”

  “I’m sure.”

  Brian was sitting at the table watching them. Sam went over and took a seat next to him on the bench. P
lacing a hand on his shoulder, he softly asked, “Son, will you talk to me?”

  Brian pursed his lips, then asked, “Will you make her stay?”

  Sam’s eyes filled with tears, and Jackie’s heart went out to him. She went tp his side and put her arm across his shoulders. “It’s going to be all right, Sam. You won’t have to send him away now. And I can come back and visit.”

  Brian’s lower lip began to tremble. Jackie knew he wanted more than visits, but it was all she could offer.

  As though he were a soul mate, able to feel and know her every thought, Sam caught her hand and squeezed it. “He wants more than visits, Jackie. And so do I,” he added, voice cracking.

  Jackie forgot to breathe as his words hurtled through her like a roller coaster running wild within her veins. What did he mean? She dared not ask, for fear she was reading too much into all of this, that he meant something altogether different from what she was thinking, hoping....

  “Don’t you realize I don’t want you to leave, either... that somewhere along the line I fell in love with you?”

  She took a deep breath and swayed.

  He was on his feet in an instant to grip her shoulders and hold tight. “I know you only wanted the land... wanted me to teach you everything I knew about trees. But the life isn’t for you, and you had to give up and go back to your world. So I can’t ask you to stay, not even for Brian’s sake, but you have to know that I do love you, Jackie, and I always will.”

  It was her turn to be speechless. Her head was spinning, and her heart was bouncing around in her chest like a Ping-Pong ball.

  For the second time in a matter of minutes Jackie thought she had to be dreaming. “Did... did you just say what I think you did?”

  He nodded, devouring her with his eyes.